I am here by myself
And I have finished everything
There are no pretensions
No way around the door
I have eaten all the cans of beans and lemons
And am face drunk on the floor
There are no cats here
Only children
Crawling around above me
Yes, they look at me
They absolutely do not know me
They want to look at me 
And tell me they know
They are fed and ready for the ceremony
I haven’t prepared anything
I am so wholly unprepared for this
I was told I’d have a lifetime
Now the whole thing is coming at me
I can’t even see myself in the mirror
Or in the space between the mirror and the wall
He brings me to the grey fixtures
And mentions that we are dead
Who didn’t know that 
When I checked into this 
Godforsaken hellhole
They locked me in the tiny yellow room
With no belongings but my lipstick
And said that I’d be ok as long as I didn’t make 
A movement
In and out he entered me 
Letting me know what I could or could not say
I wasn’t saying anything
I never wanted to say a thing
I only wanted to see myself as vast and unknowable
In some horrific ocean
Instead they drove me for hours
And up on the lands I wandered 
Red boots and a dark-brown coat 
I collected aqua pencils, four of them
They said it’s your job now to tell this story
But I was no storyteller
I was an action figure that had no set box
I was tied up inside the cardboard
A little person took me down
And drooled all over me
I was not a seer at all
And they knew it
I was only her
And will be forever
And when you see her empty eyes
That’s me 
Except my eyes are gleaming
And when there are tears
I will cry them
Only for the days that have left me
They drove me here and locked me in
A tiny yellow room
They said to be quiet
But I am not able
To be quiet
Any longer